Over the past few years, perhaps because I am known as a "marketing and messaging" guy, a number of friends and acquaintances have asked me for advice regarding their match.com profiles. a month ago, I was having the match.com discussion with my friend Juliet. Juliet is in her mid 40's, very fit, very vital and very good looking. she gets LOTS of inquiries on match.com.Juliet is a recent cancer survivor. she beat a very aggressive,fast growing cancer. now she is ready to start dating and we were talking about when she should share her battle with cancer. Most of her friends advised her NOT to mention that she is a cancer survivor in her profile. yet, it is a very big deal and has to come out sooner or later. I suggested that if she did put "cancer survivor" in her profile, even if she got ONE response a month, at least on that date she would go out knowing her date already knew and she would not have to dread bringing up the subject.I was with Juliet today and she shared with me something shocking. Her 'winks' and matches DOUBLED after she put cancer survivor in her profile. For me, hearing this validated what we teach about vulnerability in our story leaders workshops and increased my faith in human nature. the courage to be imperfect leads to compassion and authenticity from others which results in emotional connection. If this subject interests you, check out the TED video featuring Brené Brown titled, "The power of vulnerability." we show it in our workshops.
Mike Bosworth 5/31/2011
Mike, My personal experience has been the same and your comments have been right on. I was first exposed to what you do when our mutual friend, Dave C., worked for you in LA and later through Solution Selling where is was VP sales at a company that used your seminars as training tools. I shared in an online dating sight the fact that I was a caregiver for my wife of 37 years, and my honesty resulted in higher quality contacts and emotional connections to people that I am still friends with. Lets catch up soon one to one.
ReplyDeleteMike,
ReplyDeleteGreat posting and great advice. Integrity and faith in the human nature are two great characteristics for everyone to embrace and I know are the cornerstones of your life.
We are "who we are" and "what we've endured or experienced". Why hide it? If someone isn't interested, fine, on to the next person. We each have our unique story. Some will find our story interesting, others may not. That's why there are 33 flavors of ice cream. We get to choose which one we want to have today. I'm all for "putting it out there". What's the worst thing that could happen??? Someone might not like me? ... bummer....
ReplyDeleteGreat post Mike. Thanks for sharing. I've experienced that being transparent and allowing myself to be vulnerable (both personally and professionally) has allowed me to feel like I've connected with others much more quickly than if I'd hidden something embarrassing or awkward about myself.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Mike. Learned "when you know better, you do better." Why not share experiences? Who knows, it may take you somewhere you've never been!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Mike. I love this... I've had several friends diagonosed with cancer recently. One of them is not expected to last through this week. We all have such a short time here... holding back is such a painful way to exist when our authentic selves are so beautiful and aching to be revealed.
ReplyDelete'This is love: to fly toward a secret sky,
to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment...
In the end, to take a step without feet' - Rumi 12th century
Great post Mike. I have the same advise for a female friend who was concerned about putting her real age on her match.com profiles. Because she is in her 60's, she figure that she will miss out on all the good matches, because 'men want younger women'. After taking my advice, she was pleasantly surprised at the quality of men she started meeting.
ReplyDeleteBesides, who wants to start a relationship out on a lie?
Be honest, be real and just be your self.
Good story, great points, concise and easy to digest.
ReplyDeleteBy the one simple act of including Cancer Survivor Juliet made her self immediately more approachable. If her profile consisted of her wonderful accomplishments, and featured her mental and physical prowess my guess is she'd seem un-approachable to many based just on your physical description of her. Through her cancer survivor admission she displayed honesty, vulnerability, and courage not bad for a 1 liner and probably someone I'd like to know more about.
Mike, I stand in awe of this lady for her strength to be vulnerable. I've known cancer survivors in my time and I can't think of a more vulnerable time than being that robbed of life. The strength to jump back boggles the mind, but the strength to be vulnerable seems even stronger to me. May she have a long happy life ahead of her and may we all leave this story understanding how important vulnerability is throughout life and the sales process.
ReplyDelete